Overwhelmed

 It hurts

when you put so much expectations

but didn't get the same energy

as I thought as

 it  should be

It's draining

when you hope too much

that they'd have the same hope as you do

but I guess it's not even near, to you

It just didn't reciprocate 

when only one side is striving

while the other is falling, or not moving

I know it's my fault

for being too attached

when perhaps,

you are not, to me

I know it's my mistake

for letting it to happen

that I'd lose control

over my own feelings. 

I'm sorry

for being, me. 

I'm still learning

to be better, me.

A Blessing in Disguise, Definitely.

25/1/2020 - 25/5/2020

Alhamdulillah,

for the experience.

I believe,

He is preparing me for the better,

Insya'allah.

A Blessed Pause

When the world is hit by the C-virus
All seem to collapse
All seem to stop functioning as they do before

Fret not
It gives us time to mend distant relationships
It gives us chance to spend more time with our family
It gives us opportunity to think twice of yet-to-be-made decisions.

Uncertainty
Nobody knows what's gonna happen next
Nobody knows where this will lead us to
Could it be a perfect match afterwards?
Or one step closure to heartbreaks after

A postponed engagement
Before 2 hearts are tied
Before two individuals become a pair
Everything is paused
It gives time to think again

And suddenly,
I'm free again.

Relieved.

A blessing in disguise, indeed.

Alhamdulillah

To my dearest, you

To let you go is almost the impossible thing to do
To let you in sadness on your own would drive me crazy if I do nothing about it.
To let you in pain all alone would be the last thing I'll ever commit

Let me wipe your tears when you're in your fears
Let me calm your tense when you are in your menses
Let me keep you company when there's no one there with you

Yes I'm madly in love with you.
You're special to me
You're irreplaceable
coz there's no one like you

But the time will come where I will have to let you go
There's the time where you have to step on your own and start running your own race
There's the time where you will start painting your own rainbows, your happiness
There'll be the time where you will decide without me beside you anymore

And I'll still be here
Waiting for you to keep me updated with all those victories you'll make.


Just don't forget me
Keep me somewhere in your heart
Coz i'll treasure our moments forever...

Indescribable.

Love
is a feeling
that you can't deny
no matter how many times
you'd say no to yourself

Love
is an act
shown towards others
although you'd never say
'I Love You' to them

Love
is never easy
to let go
or to forget

And the best way to convey love
is to make lots of prayers for them
So hard that they'd have a blessed life
here and in the Hereafter.

Curiosity killed the cat

Never thought that it will be that close.
All those sadness, stress that I had throughout this year were actually building up to a more serious condition.
Can't imagine how the rest of my teaching life would be. Better? Worse? Wallahua'lam
After just 4 years, here I am.
It's not something you can stop thinking and then magic happens and you're healed. Although it's not that serious yet, but preventions still need to be taken from making it worsen.
Quite difficult for a phlegmatic person like me to open up to people.
It's not gonna be easy.
But perhaps I'll try.
Insya'allah
Pray for me too. 

Down the drain

Depressed?
I'm not sure if that's the correct term to use.
Upset?
Perhaps yes.

Incidence after incidence happened throughout this year.
A lot of them involving emotional conflicts.
More towards negative feelings.
Sad. Rejected. Disheartened.
I don't know if I'm too sensitive or too fragile or even caring for too much till it hurts me, my feelings .

There are times when I failed from stop thinking about it. It distracts me. It affects me a little bit too much.

Is it wrong to love them?

but to them, it's just a burden they can't really tell in front of me.

Just because I'm someone they *should* respect

Things would be easier if you just tell the truth. No need to give me your fake smiles. No need to imitate if you hate it.

Just be honest. Please.