I Still Believe

 People are imperfect

They're full of weaknesses

But they have their strengths too

Some just need to be discovered soon

Is it fair to leave just because of their imperfection?

No one is ever perfect right?

I still care about you

It's not easy for me to keep a distance still 

People would say I'm wasting my time

But I've known you longer than other people do

And I still believe though

That there's still some spark 

that can be reignited

Your words hurt me the deepest

But also, you're still growing up

I am still your frontal lobe, 

am I?

It's a feeling that no one cares

 Life's full of emotions

Sometimes, happy

Other times, angry,

Sad, puzzled,

And so many other. 

Life is like a roller coaster

It's up and down and then up again

Together with emotions inside our hearts

Is it wrong to express how we feel?

Or should we just shove it in our hearts 

And never let others know?

It's the feelings that make us human

To be understood

To be compromised

And to be tolerated

When people belittle it

it's killing us on the inside

as no one understands

the support that we needed

to heal

It's killing us inside

especially when the one we consider our loved ones

didn't care at all. 

it turns us into robots

to have no feelings

to be heartless

to be expressionless

to be null and feel nothing. 

Your attention shows that you care

Your compassion shows that you still have a heart

before it's too late

before you regret not doing it right. 

Snapped.

 I know

This time is not like the previous fights we had

I think you had it all. For real

I can't stop thinking how things will be after this

And I don't think I'm actually ready to get done with it

Not to let you go, yet. 

Was it wrong to point out an advice?

Was it really harsh to give a genuine suggestion?

I did not accuse you of committing

It's just all my predictions came to reality

One by one

At least I have predicted it to happen to you

And it actually did. 

I'm losing myself because of you

Because you matter the most

I know it's wrong not to put myself first

But feelings, it's just uncontrollable desires to choose you over me

And I'm still weak to prioritise myself. 

Maybe I'm being a little too much?

for loving too much

for caring too much

and for controlling too much? 

Overwhelmed

 It hurts

when you put so much expectations

but didn't get the same energy

as I thought as

 it  should be

It's draining

when you hope too much

that they'd have the same hope as you do

but I guess it's not even near, to you

It just didn't reciprocate 

when only one side is striving

while the other is falling, or not moving

I know it's my fault

for being too attached

when perhaps,

you are not, to me

I know it's my mistake

for letting it to happen

that I'd lose control

over my own feelings. 

I'm sorry

for being, me. 

I'm still learning

to be better, me.

A Blessing in Disguise, Definitely.

25/1/2020 - 25/5/2020

Alhamdulillah,

for the experience.

I believe,

He is preparing me for the better,

Insya'allah.

A Blessed Pause

When the world is hit by the C-virus
All seem to collapse
All seem to stop functioning as they do before

Fret not
It gives us time to mend distant relationships
It gives us chance to spend more time with our family
It gives us opportunity to think twice of yet-to-be-made decisions.

Uncertainty
Nobody knows what's gonna happen next
Nobody knows where this will lead us to
Could it be a perfect match afterwards?
Or one step closure to heartbreaks after

A postponed engagement
Before 2 hearts are tied
Before two individuals become a pair
Everything is paused
It gives time to think again

And suddenly,
I'm free again.

Relieved.

A blessing in disguise, indeed.

Alhamdulillah

To my dearest, you

To let you go is almost the impossible thing to do
To let you in sadness on your own would drive me crazy if I do nothing about it.
To let you in pain all alone would be the last thing I'll ever commit

Let me wipe your tears when you're in your fears
Let me calm your tense when you are in your menses
Let me keep you company when there's no one there with you

Yes I'm madly in love with you.
You're special to me
You're irreplaceable
coz there's no one like you

But the time will come where I will have to let you go
There's the time where you have to step on your own and start running your own race
There's the time where you will start painting your own rainbows, your happiness
There'll be the time where you will decide without me beside you anymore

And I'll still be here
Waiting for you to keep me updated with all those victories you'll make.


Just don't forget me
Keep me somewhere in your heart
Coz i'll treasure our moments forever...