spread my wings

i've met so many great people

those with in-depth knowledge

so humble and sincere

and they're willing to share

what they know

but i

i was reluctant

i was confused

...and i was only to listen...

but not to give

we only appreciate when they're out of sight

we only miss when they've left

we only regret when we know

i took it for granted

and now i do regret it

i have another sets of months

to gain and begin to give

to unleash my true potential

before that time comes

choices left

when people asked me

"are you okay?"

should i just said i'm fine

and lying to myself?

or

tell them the truth

and get carried away again?

the day after

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah

All praises to Allah the Creator of all mankind

thanks to all who joined the Janazah Ghaib Prayer

although it was quite a last minute announcement

quite a number sincerely waited and joined me.

May Allah bless all of us insya'allah

this is our first time ever

to be the leader of the prayer

I nearly cried

but I already did

during the presentation

who wouldn't?

when someone you care

just passed away

yet you've to present a poem

entitled grandmother

quite ironic

today

is my mother's birthday

may Allah grant her strength

may she use her time left

in Madinah

pretty wisely.

don't live in the past; live for the future

there's no reason for me to keep mourning

the dead won't come alive again

so i'll just have to move on

and always remember her in my prayers

I found tranquillity in His words

yesterday when I was so upset

I opened the healer of the hearts; the Quran

and the first sentence that caught my eyes

"Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. "Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people."

[Al-Baqarah: 286]

Subhanallah

He is listening to my prayers

and wants me to be strong

this should make me stronger

and not to make me even weaker

the day i'll never forget

12.08 tengah hari...

dapat mesej adik

adik : kakak, opah dah meninggal

saya: bila??

adik: pukul 5.45 petang waktu Malaysia tadi

12.15 tengah hari...

telefon maksu,

maksu: nak, kuat ye, opah kamu dah takde, kami on the way ke Putrajaya ni

mesej abah, sebab takde kekuatan untuk sampaikan berita secara verbal, tapi...takde respons

berbalas-balas komen facebook dengan sepupu

edy: ko da bgtau makcik ke??td kami da bgtau tp xde lak die kol balik lepas tu...senyap je...

16.51 petang

telefon ayah, risau berita tak sampai lagi.. tapi, masih tiada respons

16.56 petang...

ayah: abah baru habis solat isyak ni... kami semua sihat-sihat di madinah. kakak sihat? macam mana sekarang?

*********************

hati siapa tak sebak bila nak sampaikan berita sedih pada orang tersayang

lagi-lagi apabila yang pergi adalah yang terakhir

bagi kedua-dua belah pihak

inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiun

pada yang membaca

sama-sama mendoakan kesejahteraan

almarhumah Zamzilah bte Lazim

ibu kepada ibu saya

5.35 petang UK

29 November 2011

seni berkaki dan bertangan

putih

kuning

hijau

biru

merah

hitam

percambahan kemahiran satu per satu

dari putih yang suci bersih

"innocence, ignorance"

ke hitam yang paling teratas

"maturity, sensibility"

matangkah aku dalam kehidupanku?

adakah aku setaraf apa yang aku capai?

sebanyak mana aku menghayati apa yang telah dicapai?

apalah gunanya jika pangkat bertingkat-tingkat

tapi tak berakhlak seperti sewajarnya

apalah ertinya ilmu yang menggunung

tapi amalnya tak setimpal mana

it's worth to try

"So the world could be a better place for you and I

If we just live our lives

Putting our differences aside

Oh that would be so beautiful to me"

trying hard to feel that way

insya'allah