proses kematangan

"Cikgu, kami masih kena pakai tag nama pengawas percubaan lagi ke?" tanya seorang pelajar mewakili pengawas-pengawas baru yang dilantik siang tadinya.

"Pendapat saya, gantung di satu tempat yang kamu selalu nampak. Dalam locker, depan cermin, atau mana-mana saja yang mudah untuk kamu lihat. Setiap kali hendak keluar dari dorm, ingat permulaan kamu. Ingat zaman-zaman kamu dimaki dimarah bilamana kerja yang ditugaskan kepada kamu tidak menjadi. Ingat masa-masa kamu down sebab tersilap buat penilaian dan perbuatan. Ingat masa-masa kamu tak tahu apa-apa, yang pada masa tu lah kamu belajar untuk buat itu, buat ini. Ingat, sebab bila kamu dah berada diatas, kamu kena sentiasa muhasabah dan ingat bagaimana kamu berjaya capai tahap kamu sekarang, kalau bukan dengan bermulanya sebagai pengawas percubaan. There's always a first time for everything and everything begins from nothing".

Sama-sama kita belajar untuk mematangkan diri setelah diberi kepercayaan. 

kata putus

kita kini diuji
dengan kata-kata dulunya
yang disangka takkan terjadi

mereka selalu nasihat
dalam kita memberi
berilah mengikut kadaran diri
usah peduli yang tak dapat digapai
buat dengan apa yang di genggaman

yang disana
berkata begitu
yang disini
berkata begini

Allah yang pegang hati
yang sering berbolak balik ini
yang sering bertukar arah ini
tetapkan hati kami
pandu kiblat kami

kerna padaMu kami mengharap

Am I?

I guess, I'm slowly adapting with the system. The ethos, the culture, the ways on how to do things and stuff like that. And perhaps, I begin to understand MY role as a teacher here.

Perhaps I'm not the best teacher who always get students' attention. I'm not a good teacher that makes my students do very well in their exams, some of them even failed their English paper. Perhaps I'm not the most efficient teacher in making things a success. Paperworks, nah, I'm way too far from perfection.

However, tonight, one student has just changed my perspective on how I look at myself. One of them confessed, along most of the ceremonies conducted by students here, they said I'd always be there for them. Not sure of what I've done, but perhaps I was always there when they needed someone to talk to. Every time they were scolded by other teachers for making mistakes during ceremonies, I was there to console them. To make things a little bit cooler and calm. So, what am I exactly?

Nevertheless, there are a few types of students I've noticed in this school. There are students who really take my advice wholeheartedly, and really make a deep reflection on things I've said, shared or even scolded. There are also students who simply take advantages on me, ie by using my NAME as a tool of escapism for breaking the school rules (yes, I was a little pissed and upset when I knew that from other teacher).

Perhaps I should not be too close with the second group of students. Yes they need special attention, but sometimes their actions deserve more than just being nice.