always

sometimes

you need time on your own

to think your own actions

reflects all the wrongdoings you've done

often

you need people to console you

give you advices on this and that

before you make any decisions

but always

seek Him for everything we do

let us find barakah in every decisions

no matter what the consequences'll be 

options to choose

Bismilhirrahmanirrahim

Being an international student especially when you're planning not to go back to your country during summer holidays, is not easy when you have minimal allowance to spend. In order to secure a part time job, one has to compete with other locals and applicants, where sometimes they don't really prefer other nationalities. Sometimes.

Perhaps luck was not with me, but I do believe something better will appear. I was rejected with the application for the housekeeping position at University of Kent, and my application to volunteer for the upcoming Olympics is not yet finalised. Depending solely on allowance and savings, well urm... quite a tough thing to do when you don't have any future savings backup plans and your whole family is coming in three months time.

While skype-ing with my friends, she offered me a job to babysit some Malaysian posgrads somewhere outside Kent. Well, I think that would be a very good suggestion despite of the need to travel far away from Canterbury. Perhaps it's one way to socialise with the society of different age range. That makes sense for me as in Canterbury we can't find many Malaysians anyway. Families with kids, even rarely found. Besides, maybe it's a preparation for me as well? Who know what will happen in the future, Experience makes us strong, experience develops our maturity.

So, there are lots of options we can choose, there are many things we can do, with one condition, the will power should be at the top. Apart from that, we should also remember that all we have today, wealth, health and life is borrowed from Allah the Creator. We may choose whatever we want, but the result remains a secret for us to treasure. To Allah we pray our best, and let to Him to decide what's best. Insya'allah

enough rambling

It's been a while now. Quite some time, long after my lengthy entry, describing my life here and there in parts of the UK. I've just sat for three core module exam papers, and I still have one last to finish off my Year 2 here. Oops, almost forgetting my introduction to Year 3 sessions after that, and a bit of thinking time for selecting topic for my dissertation, ten thousand words. Yes, it's a 10k project I tell ya. One whole year for doing that.


Life's never been easy. At times there were happy moments, some others were just rough edges. Year 2 has taught me a lot about responsibilities and desire for the better. Towards self, towards others around me, and towards everything that matters to me. Islam. People often say they care for their religion. But what do they do about it? Just saying on facebook does't makes you've done your role and that's it. Posting some Islamic photos or reminders on your page doesn't make you more pious compared to others. What have you contribute physically for the dakwah? It is the biggest and the greatest sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. And that question keeps on revolving around me all this while. And I often think whether I've tried to do it, in whatsoever ways that exists and i'm still learning to do it my own way. Hope for the best.

A year has watched me developed. From my first innocent year, to a year that I've become more aware of my surroundings, not just in the UK, but also changes that happen in my home country. Yeah, they say don't do politics because it's dirty. Dirty people do dirty politics, but those who are ikhlas, they really mean it. Showing an awareness is good. Showing that I do care for my future.

I don't even know what i'm talking right now. Perhaps the dizziness of the exam fever has caught me into this situation. Hoping for a better quality attempts in the future. Insya'allah

Dimana kita?

Tika dahi sujud dilantai

Tiada izzah yang dapat dirasa

Tika rakaat usai diulang

Tiada kesyukuran datang menerpa

Tika doa dititip diakhir kalam

Tiada tangisan menemani keinsafan

Tika lidah petah berbicara

Sejauh mana hati merenung diri?

Ya Allah

Dimana letaknya hatiku?

Dimana rasa kehambaanku?

Dimana taubat hinaku?

Jika titik hitam yang datang menjengah

Sucikanlah ia dengan renungan zikir

Jika hati sekeras batu

lembutkan ia deangan alunan kalamMu

Jangan biar aku terus hanyut

Jangan biar aku terus leka

Ingatkan aku sebagai pendosa

Yang sentiasa berharap ajalku

diiringi rahmatNya

one day it will rise again

I wish

Malaysia could be a better place

like the days during the Caliphate's

till then

we will fight

and let it rise again

============

Speech from Charlie Chaplin's 

'The Great Dictator'

I'm sorry but I don't want to be an Emperor, that's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another, human beings are like that. We all want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone and the earth is rich and can provide for everyone.The way of life can be free and beautiful. But we have lost the way. Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate;has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.

We have developed speed but we have shut ourselves in:machinery that gives abundance has left us in want.Our knowledge has made us cynical,our cleverness hard and unkind.We think too much and feel too little:More than machinery we need humanity. More than cleverness we need kindness adn gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.

The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me I say "Do not despair".

The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress: the hate of men will pass and dictators die and the power they took from the people, will return to the people and so long as men die [now] liberty will never perish. . .

Soldiers: don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you and enslave you, who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel, who drill you, diet you, treat you as cattle, as cannon fodder.

Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men, machine men, with machine minds and machine hearts. You are not machines. You are not cattle. You are men. You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don't hate, only the unloved hate. Only the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers: don't fight for slavery, fight for liberty.

...

You the people have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to make life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy let's use that power, let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age and security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie. They do not fulfil their promise, they never will. Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfil that promise. Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness.

Soldiers! In the name of democracy, let us all unite!