Friday, May 17, 2013

hope of the uncertainty

It's nearly the end of my days abroad. Within few more weeks, I'll be back home to where I came from. I'm returning to where I learnt what life is, how I coped with the struggles I've been through and the spark of my turning point. From nothing to something, I believed that I'm filling myself with something good, something I never had before.  

One by one agenda has just got its checklist' ticked. Mixed feelings, I know. 

Looking back on what I've gone through, this nearly three years spent in the UK has taught me a lot. Be it hardship, comfort, circle of friends, you name it. Choices, and we are responsible for what we chose. I choose not to be the same me when I first came abroad. I learned to get out of my comfort zone and I really don't regret what i did. Travelling alone to Hull just to meet a sister I never met, and I just like it ever since; the joy of travelling. It opened up a new chapter in me. Meeting new friends while I travel, expanding my social network through facebook and such.  From a small circle of friends, I get to know the whole lot of them. And from them, I learned a lot about myself. 

I'm not sure what's going to happen when I come back. No one does. Whether I'll be able to continue what I've started here, to be able to cope with the added responsibilities when I get back, and to keep the precious feeling of being in tarbiyah. Things will be different when we get back. It's no longer the training ground we can practice on, it's back to reality, the battlefield, the real stuff. Like UHAJ once said to us, we will be distracted with all the small things that could avoid us from being active in da'wah, it could be our profession, our family, our financial and the list will never end. If it wasn't us who look for it,seek for it, it will slowly vanishing. And that's what I'm afraid the most when I get back to the place I was once in jahiliyya, and I don't want to dilute back into it, ever again. 

Dear tarbiyah seekers, if you happen to see me starting to deviate, do please don't led me astray. Don't ever let me living in my own world without thinking the problem of our ummah. I don't want to be just the audience who critiques the most but do nothing, but I want to become among those who gone through the hardship of scoring the goal.

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